Friday, November 25, 2005

Keynote Speech #1

So you've heard all about why interracial relationships are difficult, right? So I don't have to tell you anymore about it, yes? Well, I just gotta.

If you absolutely have to marry someone from another country, at least make sure he comes from somewhere they speak the same language as you do. That way you don't have to suffer a 30-minute argument because you and your husband are going out for dinner, you've put on mascara and high heels that's how much you're looking forward to the evening, you've even sprayed on some vanilla perfume because you know he loves the scent of this sweet stuff, and then you ask him, "So where do you want to eat, honey? Cafe Bouzigues or should we try someplace new?" In response he looks at you in what you will very soon interpret to be a bored manner and says, "You choose. I don't care."


You think about that. Allow the words to bounce around in your head for a bit. And then, a full minute after, newly-married, sensitive you, shrieks, "You don't care?!?!" You repeat the noise one more time, and then continue. "We just got married last June and already YOU. DON'T. CARE. ?!?!" You're not done: "If you don't care, then why are we going out anyway???!!!"

It takes 10 minutes of you sulking, not saying anything, and him trying to make you stop pouting, and another 15 minutes of you both discussing the nuances of language before man and wife finally figure it all out.

Pierre tries again. "You choose," he begins slowly. "I'd like to eat at Cafe Bouzigues, but we can also try another restaurant if you want. I. DON'T. MIND."

P.S. Also try to look for someone who doesn't come from a country with such a thriving and independent-minded film industry that many of its citizens know nothing about Hollywood movies.

Me, at the film rental shop: "Hon, I heard this is a good movie, do you want to get it?"

Pierre glances at the DVD jacket, looks at me funny, and smiles: "What are you planning for tonight?"

Me, not getting it: "What do you mean?"

Pierre looks at the title of the movie, examines the pictures of a sweaty Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton in a kamiseta, then taps his finger against the lettering on the jacket that proclaims, "Monster's Ball." He says: "This is a kinky movie, no?"


houseonthebeach said...

i'll keep all these things in mind when ed (as in, norton) and i tie the knot. wahahahaha! game, when is speech #2 coming?

mcsister said...

Buti nalang John (Cusack) is from Chicago, and is from Hollywood. So he would know any video we'd rent on a Saturday night. Apol, wag kang magsawa when I say it ha... ang ganda mooooo!

apol said...

Hindi ba,mga ati??? I mean would I want to see Billy Bob's nuts??? Kahit pa gigantic AYOKOHHH!!! Tenk yu, Atimays (with matching flutter of the eyelashes here...). I tried copying the loose pigtails you had in one photo on ur blog... mukha akong GALEMA :(

houseonthebeach said...

hahahaha! what's a galema???

apol said...

hindi mo kilala si galema??? anak ni zuma, famous komiks character (umaabot ba ang mga komiks sa surigao?). si galema ay may tago-tagong ahas sa kanyang gigantic (there's that word again) braids. si snooky serna ang gumanap sa movie version.

Anonymous said...

Me too I look like Galema when I wear pigtails, but that is Sean's idea of seduction (I know, he has Lolita fantasies, better that he fulfill them with me) so I just grin and bare it in more ways than one, hahaha.

I am so... hindi inggit... craving the cheerfulness that you, Maya, and Tara have when it comes to life. Someday soon I'll feel like I have a purpose here, I just need to get out of this toxic cesspool of an office.

writerinresidence said...

Apol! I agree with MaderMay-a--ang ganda mo nga. Marriage becomes, love this insight into interracial marriage. The topic is unfailingly interesting to me, and up until recently, it was a spectator sport. Up until 2002, I was married to a Filipino Chinese. Now I'm married to a Singaporean Chnese...of Filipino descent. And by the way..."Ikaw bahala" said in a certain tone is also like "I don't care." Enjoyed this entry immensely...thank you!