Saturday, April 08, 2006

The Rules (for a brown woman finding herself in an interracial relationship)

1. If you're going out with a white guy, don't ever go to Café Havana, said Myrza.

2. When I was dating this Canadian, I gave up my strappy high heels and went around wearing flipflops, this one from Tara.

3. Oh, and cargo pants, para mukha akong student, again from Tara.

4. Wear pearls, and the hair pulled back, dearie, was an acquaintance's advise.

5. Speak English with an American twang, an officemate was overheard.

6. Do not wear shorts too short, an older friend warned.

7. Don't be long-haired and skinny, or otherwise look hungry, from a European backpacker.

8. If you must smoke, don't make it a Phillip Morris, from I don't remember who.

Why all this effort? It's preparation, to make ourselves ready for the inevitable malicious inspection. My college friend Daki was very upfront saying, "You have to admit, we all do it." He meant that look one second longer than necessary, when we see a brown woman out with a white man, trying to figure out if the relationship is for real or if she's just a bitch for hire.

As if adjusting to normal married life wasn't hard enough...

Help this brown girl adjust. Add to the list and leave a comment!


sara said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Yes, and learn how to crisply, fluently say "Just cause I'm brown, you arrogant fuck, doesn't mean I'll blow you," in your boyfriend's native language, so you can bitch slap it to his friend who insists you sleep with him, too.

I love your blog, can't stop reading it!

Anonymous said...

Avoid wearing jeans with matching jean jacket.
Don't sport the sideways pontytail.
Never chew gum whilst with him.
Avoid cheap dangling earrings.
Wear a real expensive classic watch.
Wear barely-there make-up.
Be a prep.

Most importantly, fuck this list and everyone else's tips because what other people think really doesn't matter. They're just being ignorant. I have wonderfully brown skin and long Pocahontas hair and have a white bf who isn't even handsome. Somehow, we fell in love with each other because we both love and have an obsession with everything Star Wars. Bonus lang talaga exotica ako. Swerte yung gago. I always had brown bfs who never understood my geeky side. Since aquiring the white male as partner, I have been mistaken countless times to be a pootaching, and I got tired of trying my best to NOT to look like one, when in reality- despite wearing the crispiest Alain Figaret white polo and real South Sea Pearls... (which in my case I bought with my own earnings before I even met him), mostly everyone will still think that you are or at least were a pootaching. I got so tired of it, that well, I still wear those lovely sosy polos, but sometimes, when I ignore my Star Wars collection, and I am feeling naughty, I would actually give in to the general publics perception and dress like a pootaching when on a date with my bf. It is soo liberating. I am saying "f***k you all* with every step I take in my stilletos to everyone judging me. Mabuhay and Pilipina! (... at mamatay ang ignoranteng nagsabunot sa yo!)

apol said...

Forgive the unoriginality, pero ang masasbi ko lang sa iyo, ANONYMOUS, ay isang naghuhumiyaw na, YOU GO, GIRL!!! (And I love the way you spell it: POOTACHING.)

apol said...

Sandali, isang ANONYMOUS ka lang ba o dalawa kayong ANONYMOUSES? Kung dalawa, eh di YOU GO, GIRLASHES!

(Pasensya na kayo sa paulit-ulit na picture ko ha. Naiirita na talaga ako sa kanya. Does anyone know how not to leave the profile photo in comments boxes all over? May off option ba ito?)

graspingtoes said...

Et peut-etre, parlez en francais quand possible. And half a decibel louder than how you would normally talk.

Anonymous said...

we're 2 different anonymous. So, ANONYMICE kami... I am Putahontas... este Pocahontas pala. I stumbled on your blog from conek conek and ka-uuzi of flickers... I will keep my identity anonymous nalang kasi jahe talaga my pagka Star Wars fan. Di bagay kasi... I just stumbled upon your blog yesterday, and I read your last 2 entries

tommpouce said...

f*ck that and be yourself. If they want to see you in a certain way, you could be dressed as a nun, they'll still think you're a prostitute.
You should be proud if you can wear shorts too short or high heels, it doesn't fit everyone ;-)

apol said...

Yes, I know, fuck it all, yes, and I do try not to care, but when you are the one being stared at, it's just not that easy to ignore... STAR WARS fan, tell me who you are, sige na, I like your spirit! You can teach me how to like wearing stilettos again :), and very short shorts too.

Anonymous said...

though i will forever look geeky (self-confessed), and though my husband and I think that coding PHP together is romantic, there will always be people who will always think i'm a prostitute after a white man's money. tama si anonymous! psywar na lang. HEhehe.


Anonymous said...

Ate, I somewhat agree with some of the comments, pero maganda naman ang countenance mo, and your look is on deathly exotic, not near death. I don't think this is a problem in white people country pero in Manila, pwede. Truthfully, when Sean and I were in Manila, I didn't notice anybody looking at us funny. Then again, maybe you and I don't really care?

apol said...

KALA, I can just see you in in high heels and a plunging neckline. You'd still look fourteen :) KAT!!! We have lots to talk about, will e-mail. Oh, yeah, at the moment my mindset is "I care," and I'll gouge the eyes out of anybody who gives me shit again. And I've calmed down ha!

decorator said...

uhhm... one more, never hold that two-in-one powder/foundation compact in public trying to powder your nose unless you want them to doubt if you're really a member of the female of the species...

Francesca said...

When with Lolo, I try to be demure na lang, pra bagang fragile (kuno). Then quiet at the side lang and speaks french a word here and there. But when speaking english na, woaaah! they cant believe filipinas speaks fluently english! o di na dale sila, LOL

The thing is sometimes it is how we portray ourselve that makes the (wrong) impressions.
People judged. Even to see us alive and happy, they are jealous.

Lolo always said: better they jealous at you that they pity you...
Apol, sori, sa dami mong visits in my blog, at last, nag pay visit na rin ako. Ganda pala ng blog mo!
I missed the bests!

lb said...

hello my dear
read this