Friday, April 20, 2007

Scene from a Marriage

I was nagging my husband: "I've decided that I want a child. Now, I know you're not so hot on the idea of having one, but you better think about it again, because I know I want to have a baby, and I'm not going to stay with a guy who doesn't want to have one with me."

For a few days, he was being wishy-washy, trying to get me convinced that we should only consider having a child if we could be back in the Philippines the first few years of the baby's life, because then we could afford yayas, and having help really makes things easier during those difficult infant years. Then one evening he comes home, and goes all emotional on me.

"I have something to say," he began, his eyes tearing up. "Life is going well for us, and we're in love. In fact, we're the happiest couple I know. So I realized that this is really the best time for it. Yes, let's have a child. Let's have a child right now."

"Huh," went I. "Right now?"

"Yes," he affirmed.

"Uhm, you know, I didn't mean rrrrr-right now," I stuttered. "I just wanted to know that the option of having a child was open."

He only stared.

"Like, if I felt that I was ready to have one, we could. But I didn't mean right now. Maybe, in two years or four. Or maybe even later. Just so I know that the option is there, you get it?"

I know, I am an impossible wife.

15 comments:

Jerome C. Herrera said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
katrina said...

I love this story! It starts out with you acting like a stereotypical woman who wants a baby, and your husband like the typical man who won't commit; then it ends with him being very un-macho, and you being non-committal! ;-)

I know just how you feel, though. Felipe and I know we definitely want kids someday, but we're just not ready yet. Now, if only that damn biological clock would stop ticking...

Makis said...

Ah, women...testing & having options :)

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't this kind of conversation been done prior to marriage?

Analyse said...

hehe. synchronize next time..

haze said...

You shouldn't waste your genes :)! Ganda lahi mo Lola !

Len said...

Apol, this is a really nice one. Funny. My husband always asks me, 'Are all Filipino wives as complicated as you are?' I just laugh each time.

apol said...

KATRINA, how and when do we know we're ready to raise another human being???

MAKIS, it's what we do, isn't it :)

ANONYMOUS, of course, but marriages are never inert, are they? Husband and wife grow older, change, discover they have needs and wants they didn't use to have. I find that it's an occasional necessity to redefine who we are as a couple.

ANALYZE, we shall try.

HAZE, salamat!

LEN, tell him that the answer is a deafening "YOU BET!"

writerinresidence said...

At the risk of taking a strong stance...

Awww go for it!

You'll love motherhood - and you'll be great at it, more's the point. And that little wee one to be will be so fortunate to have parents who are so in love with each other and so happy. Will it be tough and frustrating - of course. Will it feel at times like a great sacrifice? At times. But it will be worth it, and you'll discover even more wondrous things about yourself, your husband and both your capacities to love...

Para sa'kin...have a child? Indeed, how can you not? Can just see the three of you making jam together...

katrina said...

Beats me, Apol. Friends keep trying to persuade me to have a baby already by insisting that NO ONE thinks they're ready and one can never be ready. Yet, I do hear people say they want to have a baby, that they're ready for it. Also, I know for a fact that we're neither financially nor emotionally ready. In my case, it's pretty straightforward, I think. We are only now able to finally travel together; I'm not earning an income; I'm relishing doing nothing; and I have all these plans to learn and do things I never could when I had a job -- all these mean I do NOT want a baby right now. Of course, by the time we are ready, my body may no longer be. Them's the breaks! :-/

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mcsister said...

I'm amused with this conversation for its content, and also since I know you translated it from the original French.

Ang galing mo na talaga mag-French! And I think your baby will be magnifique and beautilicious :)

apol said...

NOELLE, somebody once told me that as karma for my wild ways, my kid will turn out ready to be an accountant at six, with shirts buttoned up to the neck and hair gelled down slick... so baka hindi niya type gumawa ng jam?

Yes, KATRINA! That's what I was thinking! Two years after putting the breaks on the kakalokang pace of life I used to lead, I'm still discovering the joys of a calmer existence. To quote Tara Sering, "Ang gusto ko lang namang gawin ay magsulat at kumain." At magbasa, magluto, mag-crafts, mag-rock-climbing, mag-gardening, at chumika nang walang tigil :)

MAYS, si Tara (joskoh, bakit ba nasa consciousness ko siya today?) kapag kinukuwentuhan ko, impressed na ang galing mag-Tagalog ni Pierre.

Bubbles said...

hi apol!

love ur blog...nakaka-nosebleed ang entry mo pero tawa ako ng tawa...i'm an avid fan of all summit magazines and i really loved all your GH issues :)

all the best to you and your husband...sana ako din, ganyan ka riot pag nagkaasawa na!

apol said...

Salamat, BUBBLES. Those GH days were stressful, pero fun! Good luck sa paghahanap ng asawang riot :)