Friday, May 04, 2007

Strange, But True

I adore my mother-in-law. Really, I do. And, although I think she occasionally finds me strange, I would like to think that she feels likewise. She does seem to relish my company. For example, a few weeks ago she called me into her house, and we had a one-hour chat about nothing much really. Just before I had to go, she dropped the bomb: "I'm getting a boob job."

A firm believer in everyone's right to self-improvement, I told her, "Go for it!" But as someone with a very low tolerance for pain, I had to warn her that I had read in Asia Carrerra's website that silicone implants hurt. She didn't know Asia (Me? I swear I was at the website for the makeup tips!), but told me, "Don't worry about it, I'm not getting implants. I'm just going to get them lifted, because they're sagging, you see." And then she lifted her shirt to show me the sad state of her mammaries.

Later that day, to my husband I announced, "Your mom showed me her boobies!"

"No, that can't be," he began. "She's always been a prude. Not me, not even my sister, maybe my dad. No one has ever seen her naked." It was obvious that he was only half-believing me.

We forgot all about it, until after the operation, when to my terrace mother-in-law came to show me her bandaged babies.

"Wow!" I exclaimed, genuinely impressed. "They're proud and perky."

"Touch them," she told me. "No!" Now I was feeling more than uneasy.

This time she commanded me: "Touch!" So what could I do. They were as firm as a sixteen-year-old's, I tell you.

Meanwhile, my husband still couldn't believe all this exhibitionism was happening. Then yesterday, as we were driving past his mom's, he quietly announced: "She did it to me too."

"What," I asked, looking out the window, a bit absent-mindedly.

"She showed her boobs to me."

I fumbled for my cellphone. "Should I call a psychiatrist? You're going to need therapy now, aren't you, honey." Then I began to laugh, but he only sighed and shook his head, trying to empty it of the traumatizing memory.

9 comments:

tommpouce said...

...
I love slightly crazy people :-)) And she seems to be fitting the role :p. Though I can understand the awkward moment, for both you and her son. Better be a bit off-the-tracks than right in the middle of the crowd all the time.
Hey, both my parents have proposed me a massage (a naked-as-a-worm on the table one). Even though they're both professionnals, I rapidly declined the offers. No way. My would-be psy would love it I'm sure.

haze said...

Your MIL is à la mode ! You seems to have a very good rapport Apol with your MIL and that's rare ! Normally relations of daughter-mother in law isn't on the top....there's always a conflict or even competition, pansin mo?!

Arashi-KIshu said...

OMG I had a moment like that last week. Thomas's mom, me, and Thomas were having Sunday lunch and suddenly blurted out, "I smoked a joint yesterday!"

katrina said...

Omg, this story is priceless! I can't even imagine what your husband's facial expression was when his mom flashed him!

So...is all this "self-improvement" for her new beau? ;-)

apol said...

Dear ALL,
Yesterday, she did it again, flashing three of my girl friends, all of whom she was meeting for the first time... I think I'm the one who needs therapy now....
Apol

cafe rennais said...

Apol! This is crazy and funnny! I mean, "Yeah, go for it Grandma!"

Ipsy said...

apol, this is itsy. your stalker (thru maya's links) and a fan of yours. this is hilarious! :))

Leah said...

Deep therapy nga kailangan dyan. She sounds like a real fun woman.

apol said...

DANG at LEAH, ibang level talaga si Jeanette. Hanggang ngayon, naaalala ko pa yung tahi all around her nipples...

Hey, ITSY, stalker mo rin ako!